A page from the local pit bull club:

http://www.brewcitybullies.org/end_dogfighting

Look, I understand the goal of trying to stop dog fighting. But I have never seen so much bullshit, hyperbole, and outright lies on the subject than on this page. I'm surprised they didn't mention "trunking."

I had a bit of a freakout last night. Details later.

Ponder of the day:

"We must make great sacrifices for the ones we love"

Should we?

I have walked my dog 6 times this week. 5 out of those 6 times, off-leash dogs have ran out of their yards, sometimes across the street, to see Humphrey. I've been working extensively with him to control his aggression, and he has managed to maintain his composure, for the most part, every time a confrontation happens. He still gets very stiff and isn't relaxed at all when dogs greet him, but at least he's not flying off the handle like he usually does.

It just pisses me off that people can't control their dogs or keep them restrained. I'm working so hard to make Humphrey learn to ignore or tolerate other dogs; the last thing I need is some loose mutt attacking him and ruining everything. The worst part is that if that happened, you bet he would be blamed, just because of his breed.

But I'll continue to walk him daily, and keep him under control, because he needs it. I just wish other dog owners could be as courteous.

I really do have the best girlfriend ever. Fucking phenomenal in every way.

Sorry, I'm just gushing.

Also I played with puppies today. Pics to come later, possibly, if Maggie uploads them from her phone.

I wish I didn't have the most awful PMS known to womankind. I just hate everything today.

Also, can someone please explain to me how you can look at the human anatomy and digestive system and say, oh, we were TOTALLY meant to be herbivores? Because I just read that and it's really throwing me for a loop. Really?

So I don't know my grades yet for either of my classes. I think I'm safe on Computer Apps, but I don't know about Programming yet... I have the final for that class today, and I think my passing might hinge on how well I do. =\ We'll see.

Because I'm bored and tired of studying, here's a list of shit to accomplish next term:

1. Stop skipping. I skipped probably half my classes this term. And 90% was just because I didn't feel like driving the 20 miles to school.
2. Actually do my homework. There is tons of time in class to do it, I really have no excuse.
3. Stop fucking around on the computer during class. This leads to number two.
4. Study for tests. It's annoying and I hate it but I can't just wing it anymore.

I'm getting bad at updating this with anything useful.

The last few days I've kind of been going crazy trying to get done all the assignments that I missed, because it's the last week of term and I really need to get them in. I'm kind of mad at myself because it's my fault that I didn't do them. I hope I don't flunk either of my classes. I would hate to have to take them again.

There are things I'm eager to get doing again after this week is over and I get breathe again. Just doing things that interest me. I have a lot of drive but I've had to focus on schoolwork, which is like trying to cram a square peg into a round hole. I'm really excited to start doing things! Haha. YAY!

I wonder, is it an actual effort to act like a cunt all the time, or does it just come naturally to you?

Love,
The Psycho

I'm so completely content right now. This is what life is all about. This is why I'm not dead.

I can't believe I forgot the year anniversaries of my last suicide attempt and going off my anti-depressants. While I understand that it isn't feasible for everyone, weaning myself off was the best choice I've ever made for myself regarding my mental health. I think that getting that shit out of my system has made me realize what is really going on in my brain. I know I'm still behind most other people, from an emotional standpoint, but I'm getting better and, even more exciting, I have someone who wants to help me get better (even if I am absurdly stubborn and juvenile about it). I'm still afraid of everything, but I'm learning to enjoy getting out and trying new things.

I've really learned to appreciate remembering how to feel. Which sounds odd for people who have never experienced that sort of thing, I'm sure. I'm figuring out my moodswing triggers and trying to head off emotional outbursts before they happen. I think it's important to get outside of my brain every now and then, otherwise I risk getting too wrapped up in my negative feelings and I can't stop them.

At the same time, I'm also learning that it's not important to constantly reign in my emotions. I can let go sometimes and still be okay.

Most importantly, I'm starting to discover who I really am. My strengths, my weaknesses, my good side, my bad side. I've always been so afraid that people wouldn't like who I really am, so I just ended up constantly adapting myself to fit them better. I rarely ever talked about my flaws or my fears because, honestly, I don't think most people can deal with that. But this is me... and I like what I'm discovering.

Basically, life fucking rocks.

C'mon, caffeine, get me through the night and make me PRODUCTIVE instead of hormonal and mopey!

Actually, it will probably just make me ill and possibly tripped out. But god dammit I do not want to waste my night.

ADDED 11:45 pm

Energy drinks and chocolate.... what the hell was I thinking.

ADDED 1 am

Okay people. The next time I even mention any desire to consume caffeine, talk me out of it.

I've never been so happy to get my period in my life. Even more than the time I was two weeks late.

Thank you for not fucking up my Valentine's Day, uterus.

I feel much better today (this should not be a surprise to anyone by now). I made eggs and bacon for breakfast and just now made some chicken and brocolli for lunch. Making my own food makes me a happy Ashley. I'll be going outside of my house today and buying some new pants for work and maybe getting a hair cut. I might even buy some hair dye, because I need it.

I have lots of late assignments to do. I've been an awful slacker lately.

At work tomorrow I think I'm going to pick up a container of nightcrawlers to put in Sigmund's tank. They should keep everything aerated in there (as long as I remember to mist everything down), and she can eat them! Om nom nom.

Yeah, this is pretty much my life.

Why do I feel so angry? I have no reason to be.

An update on the goldfish"

All seems to be well in the tank. On the day that I found him upside-down, I came back after school, did another 75% water change and flipped Fatboy right-side up. He swam around drunkenly for a few minutes after that, and I was worried that that might be too much stress for him, but he righted himself quickly. The next day, and today, they're both swimming normally like nothing happened. I'm still doing daily water changes (closer to 30% than 75%, though) and all they're eating is a few blanched and shelled peas for the next few days... but I think they're gonna be fine.

Here are some pictures I took today. The tank is in direct sunlight, so the exposure was a little wonky. Fatboy is the orange one, Junior is the mostly white one. Their fins look kind of retarded for whatever reason... I have no idea what happened. Maybe they started eating each other? Ha.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v323/winkybunion1/goldfish001.jpg
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v323/winkybunion1/goldfish003.jpg
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v323/winkybunion1/goldfish006.jpg

Another band name that an old friend from high school came up with: "Green Turtle Sandbox." The story behind that being that we both had the same green turtle sandbox when we were kids. http://img.geocaching.com/track/log/2e7d9c19-843f-4b01-94e5-d9ac086fe15c.jpg

Lots of fun times chasing after the lid after a storm... it would usually be a few houses down wedged in a tree or something.

Also, my exes are classy, classy ladies. And that's all I'm gonna say on that.

ADDED 12:55 pm

I feel fat today. Before you all jump on me, I did not say that I AM fat. I just FEEL fat. Big difference. I think that after I get paid tomorrow, I'm going to buy some food for myself that doesn't, you know, suck. I also have to buy new pants and probably new shoes. So that will probably make me broke again. Haha. This is my life.

We have two goldfish named Fatboy and Junior. My sister won them at a carnival 8 years ago, and we've had them since then. They've maxed out at about 4.5-5 inches each. A few weeks ago I moved them from a 10 gallon, which is far too small, into my empty 20 gallon long that Sigmund used to be in. They were doing quite well in there and seemed to appreciate having some extra space to move around in.

A few days ago I bought them a new kind of food. They had been eating goldfish flakes, but I got some pellets just to change things up. Unfortunately, I didn't tell my parents how much of the new food to feed them. So they got horribly overfed, and the uneaten food fouled the tank up something fierce. The water got all cloudy, and Fatboy went belly up, though he's still alive. So this morning was kind of hectic as I attempted to save the fish from dying. I did a 75% water change and vacuumed as much of the shit out of the gravel as I could (note to self: buy a bigger gravel vac). That cleared the water up somewhat... I'll be doing another large WC tonight, and once a day thereafter until the water clears up and the fish are okay. I also cleaned out the filter cartridge, since it was all gunky. I triple-dosed my water conditioner/ammonia-nitrite remover (it's PRIME by Seachem, Nora). I attempted to give them some blanched peas, too, since that's supposed to help if they're bloated. Junior ate his, Fatboy wasn't interested. He's still upside-down, but his breathing has stabilized. I'm not sure if he's going to make it, though.

I hope they can survive this. I know they're just goldfish, but we've had them for so long, I would feel just awful if they died due to my fuckup.

mood: bummed

So proud of myself. Haha.

ADDED 8:13 pm

I'm going to start keeping track of all the delightful band names Megan and I keep thinking up.

So far:

"The Flaming Q-Tips"
"Too Many Grandmas"
"Bleeding Snatch"

Oh man, am I seriously playing house.

Yes, yes I am.